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For this week’s topic we took a slightly different approach. We asked the team what they thought would make a good topic for the next Founders’ Series. Surprising to me but maybe not from their perspectives given they have to deal day in and day out with a married couple running the business they asked “how do you and Carina work together? We want to know how you make it work.”

I can’t decide if my next thoughts were OMG do they think we are off-the-wall ridiculous or simply of course they’d want to know how their (fingers crossed) normal-ish bosses manage to live and breathe every second of their lives together inside and out of work.

It’s funny, I didn’t realize this would be such a HOT topic as it is one of the more frequent questions both Carina and I get. Without a doubt over the many incredible years of working with Carina it simply feels normal, natural, and just what life is. I’ll try to push the normalcy to the side and dig into the goods so to speak.

If I had only one answer to the question “how do you and Carina work together as a married couple” I would annoyingly say, it just works. I firmly believe that whether it is your life partner or a co-founder you are starting a business with, one of two things will happen. You get pulled together and become closer. Or, you get pushed apart. Regardless of the outcome, it happens and happens fast. Carina and I were very fortunate to have it pull us closer together. So, we kept going.

When we started working together, we made one pact that we still stick to today - our relationship and our family will always come first. If work ever gets in the way of us or our family we will make a change. We both agreed on this from the start, and we still stand by it. It’s our stress test, in a way. I’m happy to say we love our work, each other, and we’ve built an incredible family. But is it easy? No.

Robby and Carina pre Bivo, during the initial product development, and with the whole VT team in October (photo credit to Joshua W Strong).

I remember the early days when we didn’t have kids. It was fast paced and wild. We jumped at every opportunity thrown at us. You want us to fly where, to do what? Sign us up! Carina and I love to work. This is driven by our love to learn. To push ourselves. To dream and explore. This was a fun period. I still look back fondly on the jetsetting life we lived and the amazing privilege we had helping create footwear across the world. 

But like most things in life, boundaries are necessary. Or, to put it more clearly, communication is key. Carina and I are very similar in many aspects. We also differ greatly in how we synthesize information. Make decisions. And recover. One of the most pivotal lessons we have learned that has made our ‘all in’ relationship work is our ability to communicate. 

I remember our first work boundary we put in place after what must have been a stressful period when we both needed time to recharge. The plan was simple: on the 15-minute drive home from our office in SE Portland to our apartment in NW, we’d switch from work talk to personal talk while crossing over the Willamette River. Ha, what a plan that was. I still smile every time I think back to that. 

The exact plan may not have stuck, but the idea that we needed a ‘way’ to call it quits did. Since then, we have found the best method is to simply say “Hey, I’m done with work right now.” or “I need a break”. No matter how much the other wants to keep hammering away, the conversation must stop. 

Writing this out, it seems simple. But believe me, it’s not. There are so many times my mind is racing with ideas, new strategies, you name it. I simply want to keep talking. Or, I’m so stressed out and exhausted I can’t say another word about work. We’ve learned that pushing past a firm “no” from your business partner only leads to frustration and, frankly, zero good ideas for the business.

Transitioning from the “stop talking over the bridge” method to actually listening to each other has been key to making it work over the last 12 years. And I’m so glad it did. Creating our life together, both in and out of work, has been the most fulfilling journey—stressful, a little absurd, but awesome. 

I don’t want this to sound all perfect. Carina and I have our arguments. We have our hard days. Without a doubt, trying to raise two kids, be there for them, for each other, and make Bivo work is the hardest thing I have done. I also want to be very candid that I strongly believe working with your life partner isn’t for everyone. I respect that.

So, there you have it—our not-so-secret recipe for surviving (and thriving) as co-founders and life partners: a dash of empathy, a scoop of respect, and a whole lot of learning when to shut up. If you ever catch Carina and me in an intense “discussion,” don’t worry—it’s probably just us debating the finer points of bottle design or who’s on grocery duty tonight.